Nothing Grows Without Water

Water is not limitless so use your water wisely. The simplicity of achieving goals is something that honestly astonishes me on several levels. There are those of us who believe that the dream life is obtainable. There are those who often think about it but return to thoughts of what could never be. Then there are those who walk with their head down staring only immediately at their current plot in life questioning the destiny of their own quicksand. What you focus on expands. Currently I am watching myself sink in my own quicksand, believing what never could be, with the full knowledge that my dream life is readily obtainable for me. It’s contradicting and it is no wonder that my life feels like it could go in a million different directions at any point. We all have room to grow and the world is our garden. Be mindful that the water you choose to put on certain aspects of your life will make them grow. It is absolutely vital to use you water to grow what you actually want and not what you actually don’t. The difference between achieving the achievement and failing at failure is so close we don’t always see it.  What is your purpose? What is your focus? Where is your energy? What are you watering? Nothing grows without water. 

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Asking… Believing… Receiving

Life doesn’t make sense and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Too often I am lost in my own thought process. I am the creator of my own world. I often wonder if others over analyze as often as me. I’m a passionate person to the point that I often catch myself trying to assist others to feel the feeling I feel. Maybe I shouldn’t do that. If I could capture how I feel about life in a brown paper sack and sell it I could make a million tomorrow. I just know it. People need to feel love, purpose, belonging, achievement, rewarded, entrusting, and that their compassion is being delivered the same way they want to receive it.  Or is that just me…. I need to feel love, purpose, belonging, achievement, rewarded, entrusting, and that my compassion is delivered the same way I want to receive it.

 

I’m in a serious relationship. When I say serious by definition I could call it a marriage but I would prefer not to categorize my commitment to a court document that cost us 45 bucks. My husband is wonderful. I don’t think he has ever had an enemy in his life. It’s disgusting really, but most would say overall he is the perfect candidate to call a husband, and a friend. I give you this background as a prologue to my current predicament.

 

I reflect today and most days on my need to be a mother. Naturally I am nurture. I have a dog who is a child to me. I love loving him. I’m crazy about him. I love the way his face lights up when he sees me and runs towards me so excited that he doesn’t run straight. I love his hugs and his kisses and the way he eats at the dinner table just like us. I love the simplicity he brings to my life and the way he expresses that he feels my feelings. I love that he sings with me in the car and jumps on my lap when he is scared. I love that he pets me when I pet him. I love that he is protective of me. I love that he feels safe to express himself freely without being punished of inappropriate behavior. I love that people that know me view him as our son and not as a dog. I love my stinker winker bear but there it is the big fat BUT I still strongly feel the need to have a child.

 

I want to have the privilege of making a safe harbor for nine months. I want to crave my cravings… all of them. I want to open the jar of coffee to smell it fully knowing the pain I am inflecting upon myself by not being able to indulge in my two pots a day. I want to give up my scalding bath before bed and find a new ritual to help me sleep. I want to sing to my stomach while my husband drinks my nightly glass of wine. I want to create a life. I want to count fingers and toes and question myself on what I use to occupy my time with. I want my brown bear to be part of my child life throughout childhood and not be a memory to often we talk about but not remembered. I want to experience being thrown up on and buying things in bulk. I want to be sleep deprived and utterly exhausted. I want to read parenting books and still feel like I do everything wrong. I want to worry for the rest of my life that my baby is safe. 

 

I want my husband to want to have a baby not want to give me what I want…… oh the bliss of feeling love, purpose, belonging, achievement, rewarded, entrusting, and that my compassion is delivered the same way I want to receive it.

 

 

   

 

 

Changemaker. What an interesting word. I have recently connected with this new found philosophy that I discovered on Zoe Weil’s blog. I don’t even know Zoe Weil but I want to know her. She inspired me with a post that she posted titled “Be the Campfire, Not the Forest Fire.” It’s a beautifully written and spoke to me on many levels.

Zoe Weil

I’m traveling a lot this month, so please enjoy this repost from 11/17/10.

There’s a metaphor I like to use when talking to fellow activists. I ask them to imagine two fires. The first is a campfire in an opening in the woods. The fire is warm and bright and draws people toward it. They are eager to find a place around the fire, and their beautiful faces glow in the reflected light. They feel good. There is nowhere they’d rather be. The second is a forest fire. It blazes hot and out of control, everyone – people and animals alike – flees.

Each of us has a fire inside of us. It is the fire of our passions and our beliefs, and all of us who are activists know it well. It is the fire that spurs us to learn about what is happening on our planet…

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Freethinker

Webster defines freethinker as one who forms opinions on the basis of reason independently of authority; especially : one who doubts or denies religious dogma

The opportunity to explore a FIRST has set my world on fire. I am an extremely passionate being searching for deeper meaning and mutual understandings. I continue to crave  souls who connect with me on a synergistic level. I am eager to write this blog and connect with a new world and hopefully a culture that understands my strive to test all the waters. I believe in life! I believe that each soul who participates in this worldly experience has a unique purpose. I believe in personal truths. I believe in connecting with your own inner being and spiritual self. I believe in exploration. I believe in the ability to full fill your wildest dream. I believe in the magic of this existence. I believe that I am not alone and that there are others like me who crave a connection with someone who understands what the hell I am talking about.